


Down On D Street Sniffing Glue, Me And You

by fAaceTheFacts



Series: To Survive In That House- Teen Warriors Of Hope [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Another Episode
Genre: (they're in a band), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Drug Abuse, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kotoko is the ultimate performer, Monaca's cool dw, Panic Attacks, and its just kotoko trying to stop doing drug, and she actually needs a wheel chair, backstories are mostly the same, basically theres at least one scene with each of the woh, but he can figure it out on his own, but its not like komeadas, everyones v nice and supportive, jataro is the ultimate sculptor, kotoko cries a lot, masaru is the ultimate drummer, monaca is the ultimate lucky student, nagisa is the ultimate journalist, no second draft we die like men, not that bad, she doesn't explicitly tell jataro, she has a luck cycle, teen warriors of hope, their parents are still bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 04:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16825576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fAaceTheFacts/pseuds/fAaceTheFacts
Summary: This isn't really what she wants to be doing, she thinks. She'd rather Draw with Jataro, who'd finally gotten confident enough to take that ugly mask off so she could see his adorable face. She'd rather chase Masaru around a field because his legs were finally healed, no more bruises. Maybe She'd like it if Nagisa read to her or Monaca just stayed by her side. The Nagisa who's gotten over Monaca and away from his parents; the Monaca who's okay with herself, despite the shit her family spews.Kotoko would like to recover, she thinks, she doesn't wanna come in last place.-





	Down On D Street Sniffing Glue, Me And You

**Author's Note:**

> HERE WE GO.  
> Title's from "Crack Baby" by Mitski  
> Please Please Please read the tags this gets kinda dark

She says that it starts out with cigarettes. sneaking out after dark and smoking, just to cool down. She says it escalates from there. She started going to parties, she started skipping class. Kotoko has no idea why she started this. Only that it took the anxiety away when she was spiraling. Kotoko knew that there were probably better ways to cope, and that it'd help if she got diagnosed and got on medication; she probably has anxiety or adhd or something, maybe depression. But she also knew her family was tight on money.

This isn't really what she wants to be doing, she thinks. She'd rather Draw with jataro, who'd finally gotten confident enough to take that ugly mask off so she could see his adorable face. She'd rather chase Masaru around a field because his legs were finally healed, no more bruises. Maybe She'd like it if Nagisa read to her or Monaca just stayed by her side. The Nagisa who's gotten over Monaca and away from his parents; the Monaca who's okay with herself, despite the _shit_ her family spews.

Kotoko would like to recover, she thinks, she doesn't wanna come in last place.

-

Kotoko fidgets with the pink sweater Jataro and Monaca made her, and twists her fingers in her stupid hair she always puts in stupid pink pigtailsl. The sweater is a bright pink and it took Jataro a week to design, it took Monaca about two months to knit. It's the only thing about her that isn't stupid, Kotoko realizes.

Kotoko realizes that she just wants to go back to how it was before. Because when they were kids, they didn't have to worry about this shit. Those were the days when The Warriors Of Hope ruled over their kingdoms triumphantly. They all still have the pins, they all still put them on every morning when they wake up, it's still important. It's different now, though. When they were kids, they ventured into the woods and found a clearing. They made a for out of stolen chairs stabbed into the ground, and blankets duct taped to the chairs. They met there everyday and they were happy to be together, now the forts been gone for years and they hang out on school grounds when everyone's gone. Which is cool, it adds a fun rebellious vibe to it, but it's harder.

Kotoko realizes that everything is just harder. There's not much she can do about it.

“Kotoko! I'm going to Komaru's house after school, do you wanna come?” Monaca wheels up next to Kotoko, they both live near each other, they both get to school themselves.

“That sounds great, Monaca! I have an idea though.” At this, Monaca stops wheeling and looks at Kotoko curiously,”Why don't we just not go to school today? We both deserve a break. Do you- Are you OK with that?”

Monaca sits back in her wheelchair and sighs, a kind of neutral-worried look comes over her face and she rests her head in the palm of her hand. Kotoko doesn't like when Monaca is worried, if Monaca's worried then she's worried. Monaca turns her head to look at Kotoko, and they both just stay there for a second. It's as if Monaca's trying to read her mind.

“Are you feeling Okay, Kotoko? Like, Emotionally, Mentally, Physically? You can tell me if something's wrong.”

“I'm fine, Monaca!” Kotoko groaned, “Seriously though, I'm good.”

Monaca continued to stare at Kotoko for a little bit before she responded. “Okay, why not?”

“Awesome! Hey did you know that the strawberries in strawberry oatmeal aren't actually strawberries? They're apples dyed red and strawberry flavored!”

-

Kotoko wants to do so many things. It's hard for her to imagine picking one job and staying with it. But maybe she doesn't have to? She probably had to. Acting would be her best bet, she thinks.

Jataro shares her woes, he's a creative kid and she imagines he's conflicted about this too. She decides to bring it up one night while hanging out with Jataro, his new moms gave him an art studio in the basement of their house, it's where Jataro and Kotoko are currently laying down on the floor. their heads are next to each other and they're both looking up, Kotoko's legs are pointed towards one wall and Jataros are pointed towards the other. It feels cheesy and comfortable.

“Jataro, do you ever feel like you don't know what you're supposed to be doing? Like, there's just so many things to do and it's all so overwhelming. How are we supposed to pick one?” Kotoko closes her eyes, and a pit opens up in her stomach. Funny, she thinks, she always describes the pit as in her stomach, but most of the time it travels up to her chest and wraps itself around her heart.

“I used to, i think. It got better though, you guys helped me so much. I figured myself out and got my self confidence up and it all ended up falling into place-” Jataro puts his arms above his head, “- I sometimes still feel it, though. I think i get what you mean. It gets better, Kotoko.”

"Are you sure?" Kotoko sits up,"Everyone says that, but i don't get how they know it. It's not like everyone's been through the exact same situations, what if this one just doesn't?"

Jataro's quiet for a little bit after that, and Kotoko's suddenly scared she said something to upset him. 

"I don't really think we know, but we're pretty sure. Kotoko, I- I'm not sure what you're going through, but you're tough. You've been through a lot and you're still here, why should now be any different? Plus, The Warriors Of Hope need their Fighter."

-

“You know Nagisa and Monaca would kill you if they knew about this right?” Masaru sat outside her house, he seemed mad. Kotoko could guess why, it wasn't like she was still high.

“Can we at least talk inside? It's fucking freezing out here.” Kotoko walked past Masaru, careful not to make eye contact. She quickly unlocks the door and takes Masaru upstairs to her bedroom.

“Kotoko, you know you can talk to me right? I'm worried.” Masaru shuts and locks the door behind her, rule number 1; keep doors locked. Kotoko slings her bag off of her shoulder and all but collapses into a chair near her desk.

“God don't say that, you sound like some parent from a cliche coming of age movie.”

“Kotoko, i saw you out there. What's wrong? You don't need to do this.”

She fidgets and shifts in her chair, “Masaru it- it's not that easy. I don't know how to talk about it. Everyone always says ‘Oh you can come talk to me, I'll understand.’ But no one ever explains how! I just can't wrap my mind around it. All this fucking stress is just, it's getting to my head. I don't know how to focus anymore. I need a fucking break.” She pulls at her hair, running her fingers through it until it's a frizzy mess. She doesn't like looking this shitty.

“I think you just figured out how, Kotoko.” Masaru crouches in front of her, looking her straight in the eyes. “have you talked to anyone about this? Maybe Komaru, or the counselor?”

“No, not really. I've vented a little to Jataro but not- not like this.” Kotoko grabs his hands and presses her face into them, “Please, Please don't tell them. I- I wouldn't be able to handle that right now.”

“Okay.”

She almost doesn't notice that she's crying.

-

Nagisa has always been cold and sharp, the voice of reason to their little gang. He’s their rock, unafraid to tell them when they’ve messed up, but sometimes he can be too much. This character trait of his is precisely why Kotoko is so so terrified of reaching out to him, she knows he might be able to help, but what if he decides Kotoko’s far too pathetic to learn from this? What if he’s disgusted by her? She relies on all her friends so much, she couldn’t bear the thought of letting them down.

But Kotoko is the fighter, so she does what she does best and fights through it all the way to Nagisa’s house. It feels so different than when she had to steal him away from his parents in middle school, the house is warm and comforting, everything feel so welcoming she almost forgets why she was here. As she makes her way up the stairs, the pit in her stomach returns, it grows bigger and bigger until Kotoko thinks she’ll fall through the floor and straight to the basement. Standing outside Nagisa’s door is already agony, talking to him about.. Everything, is even worse.

“I have something to talk to you about.”

“I’ve, kinda been having some problems with...”

The entire time she’s explaining, Nagisa is staring at her with a cold, hard glare. _He’s mad, He’s disappointed, He must be so furious. He’s gonna hate me and he’s gonna tell the others and it’ll all be over. He’ll tell Monaca and she-_

“Kotoko, You’re shaking. You, uh, you can take a break if you need to?” Nagisa walk towards her and his expression changed from unreadable and hostile, to concerned and sympathetic. Kotoko wants so badly to ask what he feels, is he as upset as she thinks? _Please, Please, she can’t know. She’ll hate me for lying to her and we won’t be friends and we won’t be-_

“I’m not angry, Kotoko. I’m not gonna hurt you.” Nagisa is sitting close to her, his head resting on his knees.”I won’t tell Monaca, or anyone else, until you’re ready. I promise.”

She didn’t realize she was crying until she stopped.

“Sorry, didn’t realize I said that out loud.”

-

It’s been a little over a week since her conversation with Nagisa, Kotoko figures telling all her friends one by one would be best- and hey, she’s already got two out of four confessions done, only Jataro and Monaca left. So right now, she's standing outside Monaca's house with puffy, red eyes, tossing pebbles at the window to Monaca's room. 

“Kotoko, it’s-” Monaca leans over to check her alarm clock,”-Three am, are you okay? Are you crying?”

“Yeah, I’m f-ine. I do have some.. Some stuff to talk about though.” Kotoko avoids eye contact with Monaca, she looks at the ground, at her hands, the ceiling. Anywhere but her. Confrontation has always been her worst enemy and eye contact is up there with it. She's afraid if she looks Monaca in the eye, she'll find disappointment and anger. _What if she already knows? What if she's gonna hate her forever? God why did i do this, I should have waited. she hates me._

“Did- is your mother- did she-” 

“No! No, I- I would tell you immediately if that started up again. It’s uh, it’s a different problem.” 

Monaca sits down on her bed and pats a spot next to her, she looks up at Kotoko with that one look of concern that everyone gives each other when someone starts a serious conversation. The one that goes along with a patronizing “What’s wong?” It’s like you could cut the tension with a knife. Kotoko decides in that instant, she hates that look on Monaca. She’s so done with seeing that look on her friends, that tone of voice feels like sandpaper. She hates it. She doesn’t cares if her anxiety starts literally chewing her up inside, doesn’t care how embarassing and awkward it’ll be. She’ll do anything to get that look off Monaca’s face, anything to get this over with. Anything.

She sits next to Monaca, takes a deep breath, and begins.


End file.
